


Cheating death

by SilentRain91



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Vampire, F/F, This is heavy, dark oneshot, read with caution
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-07
Updated: 2016-12-07
Packaged: 2018-09-07 04:42:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8783590
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SilentRain91/pseuds/SilentRain91
Summary: Lexa is dead and Clarke keeps seeing her ghost. Unable to take it anymore, Clarke reaches her final breaking point. 
What if Lexa isn't dead...?





	

“You’re not real.”

The words barely stumbled past Clarke’s lips as she choked back a sob. Her eyes are betraying her, everywhere she looks she sees Lexa, but she’s not real. Lexa can’t be real because she died, she watched her die. She was right there, a year ago, when Lexa died and she has been mourning ever since. There was blood, so much blood and it was everywhere. When she had placed her hands on Lexa’s chest, desperately trying to reanimate her all she got from it was blood on her hands, Lexa’s blood.

Even when the ambulance arrived five minutes later, she was still trying to reanimate Lexa. It felt like someone stabbed a blade through her heart when she was told that Lexa is dead. Lexa wasn’t breathing anymore, had no pulse, nothing. She wishes she would have died in Lexa’s place and she would have if Lexa hadn’t pushed her out of the way when that car was about to hit her. All this time she was supposed to die, not Lexa. She cheated death and now she has to pay the price for that and keep paying it.

As if losing the one person she couldn’t bear lose wasn’t painful enough, she has been plagued by seeing her everywhere at the most random times. It breaks her heart because Lexa looks so real, but it’s all a lie. She has told herself over and over again in her head that Lexa isn’t real, hoping her ghost will stop haunting her. It’s the first time she said the words aloud because it’s a truth she can hardly accept. She was there when Lexa’s coffin was lowered into the ground. Her family and friends were there too, they all saw it, they all know that Lexa is dead.

She doesn’t know how long she keeps her eyes closed, but she can’t take it anymore. When she opens them, Lexa is still standing there, but this time Lexa is staring down instead of staring at her. She wants to say the words again and repeat them over and over again, but all that comes out is a strangled sob.

Her knees give out and she falls to the floor as tears shake her to her core. This is only an illusion, a fragment of her imagination fabricated by her memories of Lexa. Maybe she keeps seeing Lexa because she is the one who hasn’t let go, who can’t let go, even though everyone she knows has been trying to help her move on. It’s not fair that she keeps telling herself Lexa isn’t real and even said it aloud when she can’t make it sound believable, because she doesn’t want it to be true.

Each night she wakes up, screaming as a nightmare violently floods through her. Only, it’s not a nightmare. When she sleeps, she sees Lexa dying all over again. Then when she wakes up, Lexa is standing at the edge of her bed, watching her with those eyes of her that scream death. Once she even saw Lexa’s ghost sitting on the edge of her bed and she screamed so loud while running away until she was outside, hoping she would stop seeing her. It was so bad that her neighbors called the police, thinking someone was trying to murder her and it was hard to prove she’s not crazy.

She puts her hands in her hair, feeling like she’s losing her mind. Tonight she had gotten up to drink some water when she saw Lexa standing in her kitchen. It’s too much, there is no way she can keep living like this, seeing Lexa everywhere, all the time. Her hand is shaking when she grabs one of her kitchen knives. She turns it around, studying the blade and then she glances at her other hand and her wrist. One quick move and all her pain could be gone. She can breathe out her last breath and find Lexa again in death, so they never have to be apart again.  

When she looks back at where Lexa was standing, she sees her still standing there, now staring at her again. Lexa’s eyes are haunting and dark, chilling as they seem to look through hers. She takes a few deep breaths in an attempt to calm herself down somewhat, but it doesn’t work, it never does.

“I love you, Lexa,” Clarke whispers as tears stream down her cheeks. “You were always the one for me and you still are,” she says, crying harder as the realization sinks in once again that Lexa is gone forever. Maybe it’s utterly pointless to say these words to Lexa’s ghost crafted from her memory, but she needs to say it, needs to voice it out loud. “I want to be with you forever and this is the only way I can be,” she explains while bringing the knife closer to her wrist. “Please, forgive me.”

She gasps when Lexa’s ghost moves closer to her and the knife she had been holding clatters onto her kitchen tiles. Those dark haunting eyes are comically wide, boring through her skull. She wants to scream to stop seeing Lexa like this, but suddenly two strong arms come up around her waist, holding her tightly and _oh_ , Lexa feels so real, smells so real.

“I love you too, Clarke.”

Five hushed words in her ear and Clarke feels herself breaking all over again. None of this is possible, none of this is real. She’s not really seeing, feeling, smelling and hearing Lexa. Her heart aches because she wants this to be real, she wants Lexa, but death can’t be undone. Her throat feels raw when she has to choke out those words once again.

“You’re not real.”

The next thing she feels is teeth sinking into the flesh of her neck and the pain that follows is excruciating, but at the same time she realizes a new truth, a new reality.

Lexa is not dead.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I suddenly felt like writing this, so I did.   
> Now I probably need to lie down for an hour.


End file.
